WTF....where's the fun??

when was the last time???like 2 months before rite???

anyway...blog is always the place where i wanna spill everything out but i dunno where..so here it is..just bear with me..i will be like a little bit here n there...but please dont quit...all i need is someone to read this..n understand me......

first of all...i am a 24 years old girl who is getting married soon with not so many friends....which i dunno why....yes..tru enuf..i have someone....but...would it like always there for me???how about the times when we were bickering bickering n bickering with each other??yes..true...im lonely...everytime i tried to spill it out...people will say..."well at least u have boyfie"darn it.....i just need a pair of ears who will listen to me...i just need someone...who will always listen to me...just listen....i thought i am a good listener....or i will try my best to be a good listener...there are times that i cannot make it..but i will try anyway.....

getting married is never easy....im worried....im worried that i cant make it...im afraid that im not a good wife...not a good daughter in law...n not a good daughter....im afraid coz im not sure about myself....there are a lot of unsettled things that i ve to think about...n i dunno to whom should i spill it out.....i try to spill it out to my fren...but....again..i will get the same response...well..at least you are getting married...

i wanna tell him....all of this..that im worried...that im afraid....that there are still so many things outstanding....but..everytime i tried...i cant say it...i dunno what stop me..is it because our lack of communication lately????is it because i dont wanna worry him....is it because we spend less time together...n everytime we spend together with..we end up arguing with each other...there is no more good nite call...nor wake up call....there is no more a simple SMS just to say take care.....what went wrong actually????where is the fun???i keep it all too long already...that i cannt hold it anymore...i feel like i wanna burst but im afraid of the consequences...im shocked to notice that even one word would led us to huge argument...i dont wanna fight....i will try my best nowadays to keep it low..to hold my self..to be more rational....i failed is it???

i wanna proceed further...with my studies....i was so happy when my boss said he wanna support me for the advance studies....but whye everybody seems dont care about it???why????there is none of them who come to me and ask me this

"so..when do you plan to continue?"

why???am i asking too much??is it wrong if all that i asked for is attention???5 minutes of your valuable n precious 1 hour....can i???may i??will i??

-im tired-